Let me adumbrate for all of you why Madagascar, in all matters relating to its geography, external-communication, and openness to various modes of incoming tourism (of human, and particularly non-human travelers), essentially is a bitch that ought to die of exsanguination, blindness, and dementia.

My dear Madagascar, I do realize that you long for the same happenstance that brought the HMS Beagle to the Galapagos Islands, especially in light of your pastiche of flora and fauna (Zoboomafoo being your crown jewel of the animal kingdom, despite it 1) being a puppet/creepy claymation hybrid, which considering how genetics usually works out, hopefully has non-fecund properties, 2) being an American-Canadian byproduct of two men who wished to satisfy their longings to travel abroad by creating puppet/creepy claymation hybrids, and 3) being capable of speaking, which I would think would be far more appealing to Darwin than color-coded finches, but alas, PBS is far below a man of such noetic prowess that a puppet/creepy claymation hybrid of a lemur could obviously not hold his interest for long) but, please, please, explain to me why your predilection leans so steeply towards having only ONE marine port?

Naturally, I do understand why you would be resistant to the immigration of rodents and insects, since your ecosystem is more rich than an Octopie (an eight-layered pie inclusive of enough saccharine to make Mr. Wonka himself a diabetic), and as such, an efflux of such intruders would be a shame to Mother Nature, Gaia, Yggdrasil, and my own mother who has better conversations with our three dogs than what most strangers can afford her.

As such, it seems quite greedy, Madagascar, to only allow those who can circumvent seasickness and the mental imprisonment of Shark Attack (1-3), Mega Shark Versus Giant Octopus, and Sharks in Venice to visit and enjoy your magnificent island. It seems prudent, rather, to open up an airport with flights coming in directly from Western Europe or even North America on a regular basis, so as to allow human diversity alongside of your ecological cornucopia.

However, as is usually my concern, it would be a shame of humankind to allow it to destroy, by way of increased tourism, your grand country. That is where I propose my services. With a custom made virus, bacteria, or parasite I can allow you to collect all of that wonderful economic stimuli from the aforementioned tourism, while then quickly ridding you of all said boot-razing-sight-seers after fees have been collected. You only need to make yourself more accessible, dear Madagascar. Then, in return, I will allow my "Scout Niblett," "Unico," "Nicholas Cage," "The Icky," or "Jesus" pandemic to cure you of your worst epidemic: humankinditis.

Please, Madagascar, please open an airport -- so that all of us sick people who are playing Pandemic II in order to not feel so lonely in our misery, can make everyone die of sneezing.